Saturday, 29 November 2014

Winter Recycling: N M Browne

Today I was thinking of all the things I love about being a writer. One of them is that even the very best writers recycle themes, ideas, phrases, even plots. I am not going to claim greatness, but to prove my ecological credentials, here is a blog post
I wrote some years ago. Nothing has changed in the interim, or at least nothing that changes my views on these: ten reasons I like being a writer.

1. As an author you can lie in bed with your eyes shut claiming (sometimes legitimately) that you are not dozing but plotting...
2. Cafe Coffee and croissants post JK Rowling are a morally justifiable, if not a legally acceptable, expense.

3. You can still work in your dressing gown/birthday suit/wellies without anyone lecturing you on ‘inappropriate workplace attire’ or indeed horrific taste/cellulite.

4. You can still feign shock at parties when nobody has heard of you: ‘Oh but I always thought you were very well read...’ or ‘well I suppose my books are rather demanding... ‘

You can also cause acute panic in certain types of parent with a raised eyebrow and a bemused: ‘ Oh I’m surprised that (insert child’s name here) isn’t reading my stuff yet... How old did you say she was?

5. Nobody expects you to be on time or entirely sober as you are obviously an ‘artist’ of one kind or another. Similarly eccentric dress, erratic housekeeping and disgusting personal habits can be indulged with equanimity and people may be persuaded it’s all down to ‘creativity’.

6. You can avoid almost anything by claiming to be working and as no one knows what the hell you do all day, no one will contradict you (See 1 above)

7. If your year has been anything like mine you can expect a tax rebate. (See 1 above)

8. If you have an accountant and you’ve had a year like mine he/she may be fighting the impulse to send you charitable donations and/or food parcels...

9. You can take out your irritation by casting all your enemies as villains and put all the clever things you never manage to say into the mouths of your heroes.

10. You can go somewhere else, be someone else, do something amazing just by sitting down and writing. And it’s all free! This is a very good thing. (See 7 and 8 above)



3 comments:

Jan Needle said...

No 4 is my favourite. Another fine put-down I like to employ when someone expresses shock/horror/quiet scorn at my (massive) ignorance is 'how many ropes were/are there on a full-rigged ship?'
(The answer, incidentally, is one.) Up yours, Delors!

Lydia Bennet said...

Pity we can't recycle the comments you got last time! :)

Mari Biella said...

Numbers 1, 3, 5 and 9 all rang bells with me!