Dan's Father Woke Up Briefly From Dementia. What Followed Made a Writer Out of Dan

Dan Cohen and I recently sat down together to talk about his journey to being an author, which began when his dad awoke from dementia, and Dan felt compelled to share the story with more families. Dan wrote a blog for the online platform Medium, never really thinking anything would come from it, but it did. The story was very popular on Medium. It got a lot of views, and a lot of people wrote to Dan to thank him and share their stories. As the years passed Dan could not let go of the fact that so many had read his article on Medium, and really connected with him and his dad. He felt there was more his father could do to help the world, and Dan wanted to make it possible for his dad to do that, through sharing his story with an even wider audience. Dan kept writing, hoping something would come of it. Finally he made the decision to see if he could share his dad's story, and other families' stories, with a podcast, and he wanted a book to go with it that would honor what his father meant to his life, and also reach out with hope to other families and caregivers with loved ones with very challenging diagnoses. Dan found me on a platform designed to find podcast subjects. I was looking for places the authors I work with could go as a guest, and Dan was looking for guests for his podcast. He found our website, and book an appointment with me. Dan first came to me for editing but it soon grew into a true publishing partnership. What follows is a conversation with Dan, from underneath his author's hat, about his work, his perspective, and the path that brought his project from early drafts to the book (and podcast) he is preparing to share with the world in January.

Dianne Pearce (DP): What made you decide that your dad’s awakening was a story you needed to write down and share?

Dan Cohen (DC): Initially I want to thank you for being a great editor and asking me to do this interview. 

DP: You're very welcome. I loved working on it, and I think we've become really friends, which is great. You're a pretty interesting guy, Dan. Especially in that you looked at this event as having implications far beyond your own life.

DC: Aw, well, you know, my dad’s awakening was a profound experience for me and my family. Having my dad back for those two days was a memory I will always cherish. The whole experience was amazing, but probably the highlight was when he said, “I am happy to be here and just alive.” When I really started to think about what that meant, I think Dad was telling us that he still appreciated and wanted to live life. Dad was a fighter his whole life, and that meant the world to me. I realized that his message was very profound and could also have meaning for other families and caregivers for suffered of Alzheimer’s and dementia. We never truly know what is going on in the mind of a dementia patient, but I think Dad’s message was one of hope. I felt that by sharing his story, I could also help other people touched by dementia and Alzheimer’s.

DP: When you first witnessed your dad waking up from dementia, what part of that experience stayed with you the most as a writer?

DC: That is an interesting question and one I have not thought about before. The whole experience has stayed with me as a writer. I know that my dad’s awakening will be something that I will always remember, but writing it down and sharing it with the world ensures that his story will live past my lifetime and hopefully impact others for a long time to come.

DP: At what point did you realize this was not only a family story but a message about noticing awakenings in everyday life?

DC: Having Dad back for those two days after he had been in a dementia fog for a number of years was such a wonderful experience. The man that I loved so dearly had returned. It made me think about all the great times I had with him and my family. I am not sure if there was an exact moment, but reminiscing about him made me think about what the term “awakening” meant. Maybe not as big as Dad’s awakening, but I have experienced other mini awakenings throughout my life that also resonated with me.

DP: How do your brother and sister and your other family members feel about you telling this story? Did that have any impact on your writing this book?

DC: My brother and sister and other family members have always been supportive of me telling this story. When I wrote the Medium article in 2015, they told me that my perspective on what happened was a catalyst for them to delve deeper into the meaning of the experience. They are also supportive of the book. Since some of the stories involve them, I spoke to them ahead of time to make sure they were fine with being included.

DP: That is always a good idea, especially as you are all so close. Never trade a book for family! What was the hardest part of writing about your dad’s dementia and the sudden return of clarity?

DC: I think the hardest part was that my dad was not here for me to share it with him. My dad was my biggest fan and greatest supporter. He was always so proud of me. I am sure a part of me wrote the book as a love letter to him, and I only wish he could read it. Perhaps he is reading it.

DP: One of the tougher things about memoir is the remembering, but it's also one of the perks. What was the most meaningful part for you to revisit while writing the book?

DC: Dad’s message that he still appreciated and wanted to live was the most meaningful part of his awakening. Getting to think about and share other inspiring family stories in the hope that they may have meaning for readers was also very meaningful.

DP: How did you balance personal emotion with writing something that readers outside your family could connect with?

DC: I did not want to write a book that only my immediate family could relate to. When I looked at the family stories as mini awakenings, I saw lessons and messages that could resonate with readers and help them connect with awakenings in their own life.

DP: Did you discover anything new about your dad or family while writing the story?

DC: Yes. I knew the stories, but when a story involved someone else, I consulted them and learned details I did not know before, as well as their perspectives. This helped me write the story and also led to the chapter called “Perspectives.”

DP: Was it difficult including photos? Did you struggle to decide which ones to include?

DC: It was not difficult for me. When my dad passed, my mom could not look at photos because they brought her to tears. I never had that issue. The photos made me happy. The only difficulty was choosing which ones to use. I know that family photos do not always engage strangers, but I included them because they give context and help bring the chapters to life.

DP: How did you choose which memories or moments to include and which to leave out?

DC: It was not difficult. My family loves to share stories, and my dad was a great storyteller. The stories in this book are the ones that were told most often and the ones I remembered most vividly.

DP: Was there a moment when you understood the larger message of the book more clearly?

DC: At first I simply wanted to share my dad’s awakening and add other family stories. I asked myself why anyone would want to read about us, since we are not famous. It was not a single moment, but when I understood what tied the stories together and why they might interest readers, I knew I had something. Dad’s story is one of resilience. The chapter “Will the Real Herb Cohen Please Stand up?” shows that all lives have meaning and that we can learn from others' experiences.

DP: Before this book, you did not think of yourself as a writer. What convinced you that you could tell this story?

DC: I always enjoyed writing even if I did not consider myself a professional writer. The Medium article convinced me I could share my dad’s story, since it has been viewed hundreds of thousands of times and touched many people. Writing a full book was daunting, but I am a confident person and believe you only live once, so I gave it a shot.

DP: How did you teach yourself to write a narrative like this?

DC: I did not teach myself. I did not research techniques. I went with my instincts and trusted my natural ability to tell the stories I wanted to include. And of course I had the help of a terrific editor.

DP: Aw, you mean me! Thanks Dan. What surprised you most about the writing process as a new writer?

DC: The discipline. Many people have ideas for a book, but almost none finish one. You need dedication and a schedule. You helped by giving me timelines and encouragement.

DP: Did writing feel natural once you started, or did you have to push through doubt?

DC: Writing felt natural. Once I started, it was easy to get in the flow. The stories were already in my head. I only had to put them on paper.

DP: How did you learn to shape personal memories into a story readers could follow and connect with?

DC: I did not learn it, I discovered it. When I tied the stories to the overall message of awakenings, everything fell in line. Including the “Reflect” pages helped readers feel part of the process. Thank you for that suggestion.

DP: Of course! I'm happy you liked the idea and were able to bring it to life. What did you discover about your own voice as you wrote your way through the story?

DC: I discovered that I have a voice and point of view worth sharing. Writing the book was cathartic and meaningful.

DP: How did your relationship with writing change from the first page to the last?

DC: I became a better writer. The more you do something, the better you become at it. When I finished the draft, I went back to the beginning and revised based on what I had learned. Having you as my editor helped me immensely.

DP: I am so glad I could help. Your book is really going to make a difference to people, and I love those projects. When you first published on Medium, did you think your story would matter to others as much as it did?

DC: I did not know. I only knew I wanted to share it. When people responded and said it touched them, I was very happy.

DP: You invested time and money into this book before knowing how it would perform. How did you feel comfortable doing that?

DC: I do not think you ever feel truly comfortable when you do not know the outcome. I believe in this book, and I hope it brings value to readers. Sometimes in life you take a shot even if you do not know what will happen.

DP: Now that the book is complete, do you see yourself as a writer or as someone who needed to write one story?

DC: I always thought of myself as a writer in some sense. Now I am also a published author. That makes me smile.

DP: I'm so glad! Maybe your podcast will lead you to another book. What advice would you give someone who feels they have a story or memoir they need to share?

DC: Go for it.

DP: As we mentioned, the book is going to have a companion podcast. What led you to that idea?

DC: I did not plan to create a podcast. One day I saw a story about a man with a physical condition who left his life to sail across the Pacific. It dawned on me that he had his own awakening. I knew that others had awakenings too. Just as I wanted to share my dad’s awakening, I thought it could be powerful to share stories of people who have triumphed over loss, illness, addiction, disability, bullying, trauma, near death experiences and more. The podcast shares stories of transformation, meaning, and hope.

DP: Where can we find you?

DC: You can find my book in pre-order on Amazon. The podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts. My website is www.awakeningsinreallife.com. You can email me at info@awakeningsinreallife.com. 

DP: Wait a minute! Do you really want people emailing you?

DC: Yes! That's the whole point. Let's find each other, and talk. I want to hear your story too.

DP: As someone who has spoken to Dan, I can highly recommend talking to Dan. You're about to have a lot of fun with a really nice, down-to-Earth human. And he was once on Jimmy Kimmel!

DC: You remember that! Yes, I was, and I think we had breakfast the day after.

DP: We did! You are in my top five most famous people to have eaten a meal with! Diners are better in New York though. And the pizza. 

DC: Agreed.

DP: Thanks so much for talking with me, again, Dan. We just got the galley back from our proofreader, as an FYI, who asked if he could share the book with someone he knows caring for a person with Parkinson's' It's already reaching people. 

DC: Really? That's great!

DP: And thanks to any of you who stopped in to read about Dan and his book. He's a great guy, and the son of a great guy. I can't wait to hold the book in my hands too, and listen to the podcast!