Authors Electric

By Jon Sullivan via Wikimedia Commons This continues the story I began in  last month’s blog . It also benefits from having its reality enhanced by the meteorological authentication of its setting thanks to the recent onslaught of 'the beast from the east'. Leticia’s body was still awash with the desire Roger’s parting kiss had kindled in her. Her time at Wal-Mart had dulled her appreciation of metaphor to such an extent that she was ignorant of the fact that the conflation of ‘kindled’ and ‘awash’ implied a soggy fireplace. For her, the passion was an awakening, a confirmation that her time spent watching those TV movies written by Jane Austen had been the beginning of her education as a Belle Dame sans Merci. She got up, poured herself another glass of the rich red wine and once more stood before the cheval mirror, turning her body to admire the way the satin folded jealously down the curve of her back. She lifted the hem of her dress, admired the leg...

I spent 3 weeks over the Xmas and New Year period in hospital and the (slow) recuperation process is likely to continue for several more weeks. A whingeing 'poor me' blog, however, as well as being boring and unattractive, would win few friends (or readers), especially in the context of this month's excellent and varied posts. So, instead,  I want to put some distance between me and the experience by falling  back on recycling blogs from long ago. This time, I have a sequence of three: numbers 1 & 2 are parodies of a romance (And, before aficionados of the genre complain, please remember that parody is a sincere form of flattery.) Number 3 will contain some observations on the writing process based on 1 & 2. Here, then, is part one of: THE LOVERS OF WENSLEY DALE by Kevin via Wikipedia Commons Leticia's eyes softened as she turned from the window and looked back into the cabin.  Outside, the snow was still deep, the tracks left by Roger’s Black Be...

          Parody is enormous fun, and I teach a class on how to write it each term in my creative writing courses Malden Centre and Surrey Hills Onward Learning   because the students enjoy it so much. It doesn't seem as daunting as starting something from scratch. It’s actually a very good way of finding out about other writers’ styles, although you have to choose someone with a distinctive voice. Hemingway is an excellent subject, with his absence of adverbs, and reasonably easy to do as a consequence. Chandler and Spillane are good targets as well. Probably the most famous parody of all is Cold Comfort Farm , by Stella Gibbons, which took the mickey out of the accounts of rural life by writers such as Mary Webb, D.H. Lawrence and Thomas Hardy, concentrating on sexual undercurrents, muddy fields and inheritances. This is one of my favourite passages: …He looked up as Judith entered, and gave a short, defiant lau...

Brawls are fun to enjoy from the bleachers. And the first great literary feud still has a lot to teach us. Meet the two combatants now. In the left corner, Lord Byron (aka George Gordon): Born in 1788. 5'8". Lover, boxer, swimmer, marksman and literary rock star. Drank wine from a human skull and had sex with his half-sister. In the right corner, Robert Southey: Born in 1774. A 6' former rebel who turned coat for a government pension. Became Poet Laureate when Walter Scott declined. Sang prolifically then for his supper. Fight genesis: Motives seem murky. Southey may have seen in Byron the sins he wished he'd been blessed to commit, while Byron saw in Southey the staid bore he feared he'd become. But three factors combined to stir up the big brawl: -- 1818 . Byron took quick playful shots at Southey in the Dedication of Don Juan. Though Lord B's English Bards & Scotch Reviewers had lambasted everyone nine years before, his new dig at Sou...

by Bill Kirton Excellent news coinciding with the recent 200 th anniversary of the publication of Pride and Prejudice revealed that hitherto unseen fragments of alternative narrative departures had been found in the papers of a private collector in Boston . Perhaps the most startling was one revealing the author’s original account of the wooing of Elizabeth . The full text is appended below. The gentlemen had joined the ladies and the card-tables had been placed but Darcy, whose countenance betrayed quite openly the displeasure he would feel at being compelled to tolerate conversation which he was certain would be superlatively stupid, made his way into the withdrawing room where he was agreeably surprised to find Miss Bennet seated at an escritoire.      ‘Why, Miss Bennet, to be sure,’ he said. ‘I wonder that I find you here absorbed in reclusive meditation at a moment when the company is preparing to initiate the evening’s entertainments.’ ...