How was your summer? -- Joy Kluver

 How was your summer? It's probably the question asked most in September as people head back to work and school after the holidays. Of course, the expectation is that you've had a good time and are rested to face the rest of the year. My answer to this question though is that it was a bit crap. More than a bit, actually. It started on a high with attending the Theakston's Crime Writing Festival in Harrogate but I caught Covid and things plummeted from there. My husband caught it from me. We were both ill for over four weeks. It wasn't an easy time for our kids.  We had to give up Proms and theatre tickets. We watched a LOT of TV, including the Prom we had to miss. Thankfully, we were well enough to go on holiday to Croatia last week.

Croatia

In amongst all of this, I was waiting for an email from my publisher. The book I spent all of last year writing had finally gone in to a different editor. Unfortunately, the news wasn't positive. Lots of things to like but not for them. My agent didn't hold out much hope of selling it elsewhere. It was an all round no.

But my lovely agent, who is very wise and slightly scary, said (paraphrased), 'You've tried writing something that you think your publisher wants and it hasn't worked. You must write what you want to write.' And that for me, is writing the fourth book in my DI Bernadette Noel series. Of course though, no publisher will take it on. I'll have to self-publish. The same day I spoke to my agent, a dear friend, Jenny Hawke, had posted some wise words on Facebook -- there are times when you have to ignore the 'what ifs'. And there are lots of 'what ifs' with self-publishing. The money to start with. What if I don't have enough money to do this properly? What if I don't earn it back? What if I can't write it in the first place? I'm willing to admit that I'm daunted by the prospect.

One of Jenny's paintings that has pride of place in our house

Jenny's words have taken on a new significance now, though. As rubbish as my summer was, Jenny faced a much tougher one which she did with grace and determination. A gifted artist and writer, it was Jenny's last summer as she died a week ago with brain cancer. She was diagnosed in July. I need to follow her example and forget the what ifs and throw caution to the wind. So, I guess the self-publishing journey begins.