HIT THE TARGET, MISS THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE by VALERIE LAWS
IDEAL MOTHER'S DAY GIFT!!! She gave birth to you, so show her you care with this thing for removing the dead skin off her poor peeling old feet. Yes, it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday in the UK, so there’s been an outbreak of ‘suitable gift’ ads, this one was on TV. I have seen in shop windows such things as kitchen waste bins, washing up bowls, and aprons displayed with ‘FOR MOTHERS DAY!’ signs, as if we’ve not suffered enough. On the other hand, when not scrubbing or throwing out rubbish, Mums are delicate creatures who can’t use anything unless it’s covered in pink flowers, even tools. Flowery secateurs from M&S for when someone's about to be 'all thumbs' Like these secateurs: very useful, because when torturing one of your henchmen who’s been caught skimming off the top, it’s nice to have something dainty-looking to do it with. Of course there are masses of flower (though the prices are hiked up to their armpits for that weekend) and chocolate ads. Wimmi...