Aunty Debbie, part 7 ...
Dear Aunty Debbie. I’m so happy!
(utterly deadpan) Why’s that then, Happy Writer?
HW: Because I’ve had an email from a company that’s going to make my book into a film!
AD: That’s amazing news. Which book is that?
HW: The one I put on Amazon last week. The one you told me needed editing and I couldn’t afford an editor, so I published it anyway.
AD: Okaaay. So what will this company do?
HW: Well, they found my book and they must have loved it so much, they told a producer friend who wants to make it into a film.
AD: They just came across it on Amazon?
HW: Yes – isn’t it incredible?
AD: (Totally incredible. As in not remotely credible …)
HW: And they won’t charge me anything.
AD: I’m sure they won’t. Yet. But this is what will happen:
The company’s representative – let’s call him John – will email you a few times, telling you how much they love your book (but oddly never mention anything specific to your story – tip: try asking which bit they liked best). Then they will say that the company is really enthusiastic, but feels your story would benefit from an edit/extra something-or-other. But don’t worry, because John knows Jack who is just the person for the job and he only charges X amount. He’s fully booked but has a cancellation, so if you just send that X amount now – right now, this very minute – you’ll guarantee your slot.
Once Jack has worked his magic, Jenny, who works at the film production company, thinks it would help if you paid Y amount to help the script writer Fred have a quick cruise to the Bahamas – sorry – to help him work extra hours to adapt your novel. Fred’s got three kids to support after all, and Christmas is very expensive …
And then for an extra Z amount, you'll be guaranteed to feature in their promotional material to the executive board of directors in Hollywood who are the one responsible for giving a project the green light. But hurry – yours is one a lot of really good novels and there are only a finite number of slots available!
You see where this is going? Some of the companies may well be genuine, as may the employees. But they are not behind these messages – their identities have been borrowed for this scam job. John, Jack, Jenny and Fred are probably all the same person spoofing different emails at different companies.
Seriously, folks, the film industry does not work this way. Someone may approach your agent and offer a time-limited option to consider making a film. Most options expire before anything happens. Another writer may be approached to create a script – it’s rare, but does occasionally happen that the novel writer will also write the script. The film person will then approach production companies and it is out of your hands. Totally.
HW: You’re just mean. Do you know that?
AD: Sorry, but …
HW: Anyway, it doesn’t matter because I’ve signed up with this awesome book promoter who’s guaranteed me 5,000 book sales next month. Guaranteed!
AD: Gosh. Where did you find him?
HW: Her. I chose a woman because they’re more trustworthy. She’s got a dog. I saw her profile on Facebook when I asked for recommendations. She was one of the first to reply out of over 20 people who all love my book.
AD: What are her results like?
HW: I don’t know. She’s only been on Facebook a few weeks, so she doesn’t have any posts. Apart from the dog. She’s young and very pretty.
AD: Did she ask you what your book is about? So she knows who to market to?
HW: No. She probably knows lots of people.
AD: I’m sure she does.
HW: She says she will create a book trailer and will post about it on TikTok and YouTube and she has over 5 million followers!
AD: And how much does she charge?
HW: She hasn't said yet. I think it depends on how many sales. Oh and she promises if I pay extra I can get guaranteed 5* reviews too. But I have to pay via PayPal Friends & Family to keep the costs down.
And again, this isn’t how it works. Facebook – and most of social media – is awash with fake profiles looking to make quick and easy money off people who don’t know any better and don’t/can’t/won’t do any research. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Many of these aren’t scams as such – they are simply people who actually know less than you do about books, writing and even marketing and promotion. Many live in 3rd world countries where the £5, £50 or however much they charge will go a long way towards daily life.
Things to look out for:
- Social media account. Is it established? If it’s a business page, how long has it been going and are there posts about previous work they have done for clients? Do they have a legitimate online presence outside of social media? A website?
- Is their profile picture actually them? Many of these people use fake AI photos or stolen pictures, usually of good-looking professional women. A reverse-image search can help here.
- Do they have a real name? Obviously people across the world have unusual names, but fake profiles will often choose what they think are normal Western-sounding names, and pick two bland first names: Susan Jane, Christina Rose, Emily Frances. (I've just made those up as examples, so apologies to anyone reading this whose name actually is one of the above).
- Does their personal profile look genuine, with real friends and normal interaction? Or is it a long list of promotional posts of books by other authors who have paid them?
- Are their 5 million followers real people? Real people who read books? Real people who read books in your genre? Or just bot accounts to make them look good?
- What about their profile header picture? Fake accounts will often be expert editors, expert ghost-writers, expert cover designers, expert marketers, expert website designers and expert everything else. They are so multi-talented, that it's surprising they are not already rich and retired. in addition, their headers may be full of grammatical errors: Children Ebook Editor, Ghost Writter etc
- Do they want to take any conversation out of the post or public space, to DMs and WhatsApp? They've got you alone then, where other people can't offer advice.
Obviously nobody can guarantee sales, unless they are charging you the cost of buying your book, which is a bit pointless. Spamming your book into the void – or into hundreds of other Facebook groups is not going to win you friends or readers. And as everybody should know by now – promising 5* reviews is against Amazon's ToS and can get your account closed down. Paying anybody by PayPal Friends & Family (other than actual friends and family, of course) is against PayPal's rules and offers you no protection when a scammer takes your money and runs, or takes your money and gives you zero value for it.
Common sense, people. Do your research!
HW: Well now you really are being horrible. You hate me, don't you? Or are you just jealous? I'm going to be famous, you know?
AD: (yawn)
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