Resolutions or re-solutions - Lorraine Smith

 

Here we are three weeks into a brand new year. I have never been one for Resolutions. I am too fickle to keep them going. The sense of disappointment and self loathing which comes from failing at them is overwhelming. I just don’t do them.

I have decided to see what each new year brings. 2020 for me, started as normal. Then lockdown came and my autoimmune problem meant I was working from home. Once the decision was made, I was escorted out of the building clutching my briefcase, my desk calendar and my plant and warned that I would not be back in the foreseeable future. I felt like a kid let out of school early. I could work in my jammies, drink enough coffee to floor a horse,  pig out on chocolate and crisps,do my laundry if I wanted,  in short, be my own master.

 Then, new normal hit home and I rode the rollercoaster of emotions and problems which came along with that. I had not realised that I could be so vulnerable to a tiny organism that I had to stay closeted away, behind a barrier of disinfectant, face masks and people at a distant of two metres.

Ten months later I have adjusted to team meetings online and living vicariously through those lucky enough to get to go to work in the office.

Promises to write more, finish my novel, invest time in writing short stories,  or be more proactive came to nothing. Then I found myself coming to terms with the fact that my novel won’t finish itself. 

I am also riddled with self doubt and a horror of pushing myself forward. I want to enjoy success without marketing myself. I had to re-solve the old problem of procrastination. 

I joined an online class. It’s designed to get you writing from day one and marketing too.  I am now postingaàá on Facebook, one of my pet horrors. I  have completed my profile in other social media. I am taking control. 

The funny thing is it’s not too bad after all. Others in the class are doing it too. I’ve been writing down my plan. Resolving to finish my novel by December 2021. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step. My step one is writing this blog post. 

Here’s to the next thousand miles.