|Writers who get their evil on. Bwahahahaha!|
|Advice for writers|
‘I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze.’ Thus DH Lawrence, and it is obviously true, he must have felt malevolent when he saddled us with his whiney novels and cluelessness about female orgasms. But perhaps writing for spite is more common than gamekeepers shagging posh birds? (Oops, unfortunate kinky image conjured up there! You’re welcome!)
|Sean Bean as Mellors, ultimate Bit of Rough, justifies entire prose output of DH Lawrence.|
This may sound unhealthy and bitter, but it can also be seen as a Good Thing – working off resentment to create Art to be enjoyed by others – dealing with one’s demons by making them work for us and even earn us a few squids. As a poet, novelist and playwright who knows a lot of other writers, I’ve witnessed this phenomenon several times in various genres. Not surprisingly, it’s often ex-lovers and -spouses who get the chop or comeuppance, not just from crime writers but literary or romantic novelists, or poets. Sometimes the output of a writer can form a chart of a relationship. First, a rapturous novel about a Great Love, in which they themselves, just recognisable despite loss of weight, wrinkles and less attractive habits, fall into the arms of an equally recognisable, to those in the know, lover who is strangely more needy, devoted, and grateful in fiction than their real-life counterpart. Fast-forward to the acrimonious break-up, as the not at all needy inamorata moves on with barely so much as a ‘you are so dumped☺’ text message, and the broken-hearted author’s next oeuvre consists of the still recognisable but evil, heartless ex being offed in numerous ingenious, horrible but clearly cathartic ways.
|'No, I expect you to DIE for dumping me by text, you heart-breaker!'|
Poets perform rapturous pieces about the beloved and sometimes share rather more about their sub-duvet activities than you really want to hear, especially when the subject of the sex is in the audience. Then the love object seeks duvets new, and howls of pain crafted into blank verse result. There are people who serially date writers and poets, god knows why, but some of them do get around, and their love life is more or less an anthology waiting to happen.
|I'd rather write my revenge than sew it, but each to their own! Zero Twitter followers, ouch!|
|Exciting action packed thriller, or revenge for cold bed pans and being woken up at 5am?|
|Thinks: 'When I grow up, I'm going to make you suffer in my novel, shame you can't read!'|
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MY play about John Simpson Kirkpatrick, beloved hero of Gallipoli THE MAN AND THE DONKEY is on at Customs House Theatre in his birthplace South Shields from 19th-23rd May for the centenary of his death saving lives with his donkey. Do come if you are in the area.
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