YouTube Poetry Making Garble by Lev Butts

Author's note: I have been fairly busy this week working on my annual self-evaluation at work. This is a yearly purging ritual in which I examine everything I did this past year and everything I didn't do this past year and then make the case that I am worthy to continue teaching the kiddos how to write and read. In theory this is a simple task that should take no more than a couple of hours. In practice, however, it looks more like this:

I am thus behind in my monthly column here at Authors Electric. Fortunately, though, I have another blog I haven't written for in years (and that no one read anyway), so I am re-purposing an older column from there. I hope you enjoy it.

YouTube Poetry Making Garble

A few years ago, I did  some consulting work for a textbook company; I watched some teaching videos and wrote summaries for the company's web page. I discovered that  YouTube has a transcript function for most of its videos, so I thought I could cut some corners since I read faster than the videos talked. The function works in real-time and allegedly gives you a word-for-word transcript of the video...only not so much. Not even at all, really.


Imagine if James Joyce and Allen Ginsberg got high with Kurt Cobain.

That would be some party.

 Now imagine they decided to write a poem.

Or imagine that Sarah Palin described a light lunch.

What would result from such an experiment would be the YouTube transcript function:

"If they didn't do what I mean, they are
Watergate when the professor needed to stop."

"I dunno Carl, we got politics and scandal, but I really think we need postmodern symbolism."

"Letter Mister decided to make the eats lengthy, hopping around campus with a lot
Of hot . . .
That's right"

"Written linguistic-coated needy are part and parcel of
Video/audio/spatial patterns of meeting"

"Dependency credit is expected:
It's really quite a bit of equipments"
 

"Don't worry about the size of my hands, we all know what that means 

and I have quite bit of equipments, believe me."

"Let's say that he has
at student,
we said
fidelity"

"He wants to get it in the inner peace for thirty-six eighty.
I hear your voice, and i hate to say justify, but why wouldn't you just give a shit?"

"I'm going to die for the powerpoint reputation"

"If you'd like more information on the Korea,
Certainly don't feel free to contact
Maniac R. Campbell Dot Martha"

"We that
bad
and the people get off dub
make that that packed with parts"


"You did you, and I had pain."

"No, seriously. They gave me the Novbel Prize for stuff like that."

"Studying literature,
According to recent caboodle
And learning tour, right well has
Individuals on people's lives, both in school, could be on school,
And ultimately even hands."

"I said lay off the hands, alright?"

"The funny thing is empty:
It didn't eat much or help about this. Up with the human
Purposes
Of a literature worker!"

"You know, you go back twenty years ago to where you know these billboards.
On a draft,
Kiddo.
Ethical kateri?
They're doing trucks!
Separate separate us!
You know their
Products are having with it.
There do employees
Right whales.
Camp Read Well?
He's at the top
Of problems."

"If they don't have this,
It seems unlikely
That boasted, at least, will get a promoter up these
Weapons
To Walt Whitman's boring ass."

"I assure you, sir, my ass is not boring. Especially if you put weapons there."

 In short, YouTube's transcript generator either needs a bit more work, or it needs to submit its work to the Kenyon Review.