If Writers Were Bakers and Candlestick Makers - Katherine Roberts

There has been a brilliant hashtag running on Twitter this month called #IfWritersWereBakers. I'm not sure who started it, but if you missed the fun then try a Twitter search and you'll find a whole string of publishing truths that writers encounter sooner or later in the course of their careers.

One of my favourites is this If-Writers-Were-Bakers-style reader review from @Joannechocolat:
"I bought this chocolate cake from you, but when I got it home I found it had chocolate in it. One star."

While @say_shannon tackles the perennial curse of the children's author:
"Ah, so you're a CHILDREN'S baker. Anyone can bake cakes for children. When are you going to bake a proper cake?"

And, with National Novel Writing Month upon us, @MrsTrellis obviously has the right idea:
"I’m taking part in NaNoBaMo. I’ll add an ingredient a day for the whole of November, then I can call myself a baker."

The perfect way to let off steam! Since other writers on this blog have probably encountered more of the same (and bakers have been tackled on Twitter already) I thought I'd extend the concept slightly and let you add you own #IfWritersWere creations in the comments. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

#IfWritersWereCandlestickMakers: "Your candlestick is too long for today's candles."

#IfWritersWereJockeys: "My horse has been handicapped by the computer because the last horse I rode didn't win."

#IfWritersWereAstronauts: "Three, two, one... sorry, when did you say your spaceship came out, again?"

#IfWritersWereAstronauts: "To explore boldly where no astronaut has ever ventured... love, the copy-editor."*

(*You need to be old enough to remember the original Star Trek to understand this one!)

Over to you...

Katherine Roberts is writing a book about a Roman racehorse to follow in the hoof prints of her Alexander the Great epic "I am the Great Horse", which is now available in this bright orange cupcake - I mean, paperback - edition on demand in time for Christmas.


Sandra Horn said…
If Writers Were Butchers: You sold me this joint of meat. I didn't expect it to have bones in it, though. You didn't say. I'm disgusted.
Bill Kirton said…
#IfWritersWereObstetricians: I loved your latest. When are you bringing the next one out?
#IfWritersWereFortuneTellers: Predictable.
#IfWritersWereMagi: Not enough gold. Too much myrrh.
LOL Bill! #IfWritersWereMagi is great - I think we need a few more of those in time for Christmas.

#IfWritersWereMagi I thought there were only meant to be three of you?

#IfWritersWereMagi Follow that bandwagon!

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