A Writer's Earnest Plea

Remember Ossian? Well, recently there's a new poet on the block. This one is called Seoras. Some while ago I came across this which he wrote on a subject which is close to many writers hearts and I thought it might just give folks a laugh... 

A writer's earnest plea.

Sock Puppets and Trolls are a pest
With their one star reviews and the rest
Why can't they be true
In their words of review
And realise their game's not a jest?

As writers we do what we can
To entertain each hard won fan
And we know that our style
Though in vogue for a while
Is only a flash in the pan

So give us a break, Puppets, do
And Trolls, write reviews that are true
Be honest and fair
When reviewing our ware,
'Cos we give of our best, unlike you

And so, now to you, clever Dick
To respond to this wee Limerick
Try to be smart
Using words as an art
And prove that you're not dim or thick

Writing reviews is addictive
I'm not being bad or vindictive...

(over to you)


Jan Needle said…
too early in the morning to write verse, my dear cally. like that, though! how's the far frozen north? been too busy to be in contact much, but all that will change. (when i get back from france!) ah, tis a hard life, bein an orfer, innit...
madwippitt said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
madwippitt said…
Erk - that's a challenge
Rhyme is really not my thing
Would a haiku do?
CallyPhillips said…
Let me make it clear one and all. I posted this but I can claim no credit for writing it! Far too busy to be writing poems jan. just doing what I do best, helping promote others and plugging gaps. I thought the poem might appeal to this readership though, I hope so.
CallyPhillips said…
Like it mad whippet once I realized how clever!!
Chris Longmuir said…
Loved this and wish I could write something similar, however, I can't write poetry to save my life!
Bill Kirton said…
We sit in our studies and think
Of the time we can stop for a drink.
Then in through the casement(1)
Comes welcome displacement
And, forthwith, we feel in the pink.(2)

The reluctance of our fickle muse
To produce a rondeau we might use
Or a haiku or ode
Or a Da Vinci Code(3)
Plunges us into Keatsian blues.(4)

But we rise to each challenge. We’re fighters,
Agents provocateurs and inciters
Of readers to sample
Each thrilling example
Of purple prose what’s wrote by writers.(5)

An Abecedarian rap,
Ballads Bawdy or just arrant pap,
Cunning Cantos Dramatic
Epics Extra-Emphatic,
For you we can write any old rubbish.(5)

Of our value this verse is the proof
We litterateurs aren’t aloof.
To supply what you read
We follow the creed:
‘Troof is beauty and beauty is troof’.

(1)Of course I don’t have a casement but ‘window’ or ‘door’ wouldn’t rhyme.
(2)Of course I never use such an expression or experience such a condition (I’m an existentialist) but again, it’s the tyranny of rhyme, dear people, rhyme.
(3)It’s important to note that, however complaisant my muse, I’m incapable of writing any of the forms or works mentioned.
(4)Academics are advised, before using any of the above in a scholarly publication, to verify that Keats did have the blues or even know what they were.
(5)This is a first draft and may need some editorial input.
Ms P said…
There's an art and a trick to a true limerick
And I'm not really sure that I've got it
But I've tidied the loft and the cake has been scoffed
So a good 15 mins I've allotted

I'm not sure it's enough as today I feel rough
And in fact I awoke feeling sickly
It wasn't the beer, that much is clear

But possibly cake scoffed too quickly
Ive had second thoughts re the Limerick challenge
And all if a sudden feel idle
Cause I'm but half awake, am needing more cake
And I can't even think of a title

Lee said…
There was a young writer in tears
Who’d tried to get published for years.
His hope about to dwindle,
Someone showed him a Kindle
And now he’s the envy of peers.
CallyPhillips said…
Seoras got in touch with me and has given his own version of a finishing stanza -

Writing reviews is addictive
I'm not being bad or vindictive...
But it fair drives me mad
When some programming cad
Alters my text to “predictive”

He wanted to prove there was a rhyme for addictive/vindictive!

Thanks for all the poetry(?) this inspired as well. Amazed that there wasn't more interest in trying to work out who 'Seoras' is. come on folks. It only requires a basic level of Gaelic!!! And I thought you folks liked mystery.
Susan Price said…
Well, it means 'farmer' - but I'm sure that takes me any further.

Popular posts

What's the Big Idea? - Nick Green

A Few Discreet Words About Caesar's Penis--Reb MacRath

The Splendid Rage of Harlan Ellison - Umberto Tosi

Misogyny and Bengali Children’s Poetry by Dipika Mukherjee

A Glittering Gem of Black, Gothic Humour: Griselda Heppel is intrigued by O Caledonia by Elspeth Barker