Like a Radiant Goddess -- by RUTH LEIGH

Now I don’t know about you, but I often struggle with the way I look. When I was a Young Thing, I could stay up half the night, go out dancing and perhaps even down a Fuzzy Navel or ten and still look dewy and radiant in the morning. I would wash my visage and an entire new face would emerge, wrinkle-free, to greet the day. 

I am now in my mid-fifties, a difficult time. I am keeping myself up fairly well, with carefully chosen clothes and accessories, constant colouring of the hair and a cruelty-free vegan range of make up (you know the one). Still, I often catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, “Who the heck is that tired-looking old girl?”

However, in the last few weeks, I have suddenly become radiantly, irresistibly attractive. Really. I’m not making it up. I am a chap magnet! Men are constantly messaging me, asking me if we can meet, if I know what a beautiful woman I am and addressing me as, “Pretty lady.” Hundreds of them. Literally hundreds. 

Why? Because I joined TikTok.

In case you think I’m delusional, let me share some of the overtures these gentlemen have made. Snappily monikered User163302625 had this to say. 

“Hello I am not comfortable with making the first approach, but looking at your profile, I think it’s worth it. I love your smiles and I look forward to getting to know you better.”

 Having fought his natural restraint and won, my new admirer carried on liking all my videos, presumably because of my smiles. Austin S Miller (a 4-star general in the United States Army and former Delta Force captain, lots of pictures of him and the Stars and Stripes) addressed me as, “pretty lady” (that’s Mrs Leigh to you, Austin) and asked me how I was doing, presumably with a view to getting to know me just a little better. 

Chris Simons311 came straight to the point.

“Hello are you sugar baby I’m looking for a sincere sugar baby who is need of a sugar daddy to spoil you and also help financially are you willing to be one?”

As you can imagine, I was sorely tempted by his offer, but his lack of understanding of the basics of punctuation put me off. Imagine my surprise when Jeffreyadam29 contacted me, apologising for disturbing my privacy and asking me if I’d like him to be my sugar daddy. It may well be that he and Chris are chums. Who knows.

I thought it discourteous not to reply to his impassioned request. I replied thus.

“Good evening. In what sense do you mean a sugar baby? If you are implying that I am sweet, then I would suggest that this is a fairly hackneyed metaphor. As to me being a baby, I’m afraid that you are labouring under a delusion. I am a happily married woman of indeterminate years. I trust that this answers your question.”

To which he replied: “I’m looking for a sincere sugar baby who is in need of a sugar daddy to spoil you and also help financially are you willing to be one??”

Note the slightly peevish two question marks. He seemed to have misunderstood my question so I ended our correspondence. Scott James got in touch, hailing me in a somewhat archaic fashion. 

“Hello damsel!”

I wondered if he had perhaps mistaken me for fellow AE author Joy Margetts, who is more in the damsel market than I. 

A number of chaps contacted me to tell me they were attracted by my beauty and to check up on the weather conditions. Richard Martin took a different tack. 

“Hello, I am Martin from Alberta Canada. Pls, what is your real name and location?” 

His message was written in italics, giving it an air of mystery. I still wasn’t interested enough to tell him my real name and location[1]. 

Lots of other gentlemen messaged me to praise my radiant beauty and sincere smile, but I have neither the time nor patience to list them all. Suffice it to say that TikTok has changed my life. I’m feeling prettier, smiling more, anticipating yet more offers of financial help. 

Seriously, though, it has been fun. I’m working hard to build up a good following, learning the joys of filming and soundtracks and annoying my children just by being on there. And really, who can ask for any more than that?

Images by Pixabay and Unsplash

Ruth is a novelist and freelance writer. She is married with three children, one husband, assorted poultry and a kitten. She is the author of “The Diary of Isabella M Smugge”, “The Trials of Isabella M Smugge” and is currently writing “The Continued Times of Isabella M Smugge”. She writes for a number of small businesses and charities, reviews books for Reading Between the Lines and blogs at ruthleighwrites.co.uk. Ruth has abnormally narrow sinuses and a morbid fear of raw tomatoes, but has decided not to let this get in the way of a meaningful life. You can find her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and TikTok at @ruthleighwrites and at her website, www.ruthleighwrites.co.uk.

https://www.tiktok.com/@ruthleighwrites

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[1] It’s Dolores Concepcion Ollerenshaw if you must know, of Chorlton-cum-Hardy